It Was a Good Day

My birthday was Wednesday. I turned 31, which I don’t mind telling people because I still look like I’m in college. So how does a derby girl spend her birthday? At practice getting her butt handed to her… with love.

Earlier in the week, I pulled a muscle in my side. I had hoped it would have been okay by Wednesday, but it was still giving me trouble during my pre-practice workout, so I skipped the crunches.

When I got to practice, I was excited to try out my new skates on something other than carpet. (I may have skated around the office when they came in, scaring a coworker who thought I was floating.)

Can you tell I was a little excited about the new skates?

Getting used to balancing on the skates was a little weird, but I was getting it. Then we moved into suicides. Okay, I thought. I can handle this. Gotta break them in sometime. Then I fell and hit the side with the pulled muscle. It hurt. It REALLY hurt, but I kept going.

Then we moved into scrimmaging. Cool. I like scrimmaging, and I would get to see what it will be like with lighter skates.

Everything was going great. I had made it past most of the pack and only had two opposing skaters to get past. I was trying to swoop in between them when my derby wife laid the most amazing Johnny Crash on me. (A Johnny Crash is when the back of one skater’s shoulder hits another player in the chest.) Those hits happen so fast that my brain usually only has time to register that I was upright and now I’m on my back, but this time, I landed on the side of my butt.

Oh, the pain! The oh-my-god-I-think-I-broke-my-butt pain. A.C.E. immediately turned around and skated back to me.

“I’m so sorry, wife! I wasn’t trying to kill you.”

I didn’t cry. I didn’t curse her name. I laughed. Couldn’t help it. It was such a perfectly executed hit. How could I possibly be mad about that? We have a bout coming up in two weeks. I want her to do that to the other team, so I will accept the pain (which eased in a few minutes and turned out not to be that serious. Just some knotted muscles.) as a special birthday present and a promise to the other team. If my derby wife does that to me on my birthday, you better be sure she isn’t going to go easy on you. That’s derby love.

That’s an ice pack in my shorts. My butt did not swell.

P.S. After practice was over, the entire team sang “Happy Birthday” to me during stretches. I ❤ my Devils!


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